Bye Bye....

August 25, 2011

I’m leaving on a big jet plane…leaving the country that has embraced me.  Leaving the incredible friends that have become family.  I do not know how to express my gratitude for the experiences of the past 3 months…for the unconditional kindness that was shown to me…the laughs we shared, the love of the children which opened my heart.  This morning the children came and hugged me one by one, wishing me a “safe journey.” I could not stop crying once I looked in their eyes.  They have become like my own.  I have no doubt that I will return soon. 

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I think about Usha praying and thanking god with her palms pressed together right before eating her simple meal.  Her food is plain…just rice and dal.  Yet the children are SO thankful for that food, for their Raksha family and for each other.  I have never seen such gratitude, discipline and patience among children.
 

The night before I left, the children and I sat together in a circle. Ujjwal (the oldest boy) read me a letter on behalf of all of them.  "Sapana Didi.." (Sapana is my Nepali name, and Didi means older sister – that’s what they call me), he said “Sapana didi, we love you. You are our family. We will miss you….come back to us soon…”  He said if it wasn’t for me, half of the children would not be in school…I don’t know if that is entirely true, but if I made a single difference in their lives it would be a fraction of the difference they have made in mine.  I am deeply appreciative, happy from the inside, and so carefree.  I laugh more, and believe so much in myself and in the power of love to transform any situation.

I decided to create a memory book for the children and girls, using the thousands of photos I took of them while I was there.  I gave it to them on our last night together, and it was a hit!  Over the course of the three months I also took a profile picture of each child. Those I printed out in larger sizes and gave to them as a gift.  They’ve never really had something of their own before...this is something they will never have to share with anyone. 
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September 25, 2011

I hope that in the course of reading this blog, my dear friends and family, you will feel inspired to reach out and support Raksha Nepal.  The organization is small, underfunded and struggling.  I just found out that the children have been turned away from school until all school fees are paid in full.  They have worked so hard on their exams, and yet cannot attend school because Raksha does not have the money to pay.  

Raksha Nepal exists on day-to-day donations, for the most part.  Please visit their website and learn more about the work they have done.  If you feel compelled to help, please do so.  


http://rakshanepal.org/ 

Thank you so much. 

With love,

Shabnaz

Raksha Workshop

August 22, 2011

Tonight I led a workshop for the girls, women and one male staff member of Raksha Nepal.  The ladies from Raksha Women’s School were also there.  Quite unexpectedly, one of the younger women began crying after an early exercise we did, and despite our efforts to calm her, continued to cry for a long time.  I must have hit a nerve on trauma she recently experienced…we were talking about things that we all have in common, and I asked them to step into the circle if they had experienced the death of a loved one.  

It is easy to forget that certain things, such as talking about people who have passed, are culturally relative.  In my case, sharing with others about my mom has always helped me to grieve and move my life forward.  However, I learned that in Nepal it is not appropriate to discuss people who have passed, particularly in a group setting.  This was an important and humbling thing for me to learn.   Nevertheless, I received gracious comments from the rest of the participants.  Most of them are young activists in the community, and this workshop is something they can go on to teach to others in their own circles.   


*****

Singing Children

August 18, 2011

I close my eyes and listen to the calming sounds of the children singing.  I want to remember this sound and this feeling forever.  We are on the Raksha Nepal rooftop and the kids are playing a game as the gorgeous sunset colors the sky and illuminates the giant Himalaya mountains in the background.  It is no wonder that the word for mountain in Nepali is "Himal".  They surround the Kathmandu valley just like a big bowl. 

These kids have become my family.  I love being with them, laughing with them, picking them up and hearing them shriek with laughter.  But most of all I love their singing.  It is a sound that brings tears to the eyes of every single visitor who comes to see them. 

Road from Pokhara to Kathmandu

August 16, 2011

I just lit incense to give thanks for our safe return home after the most terrifying ride of my life.  The micro (small bus) driver tonight sped at maniacal levels through narrow, dark, mountain roads with plummeting mountain drops on either side.  He did this while passing huge trucks and just barely missing oncoming trucks headed towards us.  I lost track of how many promises I made to god in exchange for our safe arrival in Kathmandu.  

Can’t say I was surprised when, after the 10^th near-death incident, as our van tried to pass yet another giant truck on the one-lane road, our driver finally plunged the van into the storm drain on the right side of the road to avoid an oncoming bus.  Needless to say, I was in shock, and hanging in a very precarious position at the top end of the vertical van, so I wasn’t sure what to do.  We finally got down just in time to see Menuka stopping a black SUV and asking for a ride to Kathmandu.  

This is the same road that used to be full of Maoist ambushes during the ten-year conflict here.  Bus-fulls of people were burned alive when they could not give money to the insurgents.  Earlier, on this same road we also saw a group of people carrying a woman to the hospital.  She was having a difficult pregnancy and was being carried in a sack held up by a long stick that two men carried.  In the rural villages it is difficult to access health care, even during emergencies.  Most of the hospitals in this country are located in the cities; nobody wants to open them in the rural areas because they are difficult to access. 

Menuka tells me, “Women here survive by the grace of God.”  Many women here die during pregnancy and labor because they lack access to healthcare.  Menuka’s own mother walked herself into the fields each time she was in labor, and gave birth to 8 children by herself in the forest.  


I once heard one of my Peace and Justice colleagues ask, “Why do you consider maternal healthcare a human right?”  I was never able to formulate a response to that question until now.  When we have an epidemic of women dying during childbirth – dying from something that is easily preventable, but inaccessible due to poverty –the domestic government is responsible for providing them with the care they need.  In Nepal’s case, the domestic government is unable to provide this.  Therefore, the international community has a moral responsibility to prevent these deaths from happening.  We have the equipment that would alleviate their suffering. To prevent these women from receiving it when they need it the most, due simply to their economic status, is inhuman.  

Saying goodbye to my students

August 7, 2011

Sitting in my room, surrounded by the loving and protective energy of the ladies of Raksha Nepal Women’s School through the bagfuls of bright flowers they gifted me today.  Eyes are still puffy and am still feeling the warm afterglow of the heart-felt blessing each student whispered to me as she put a red tikka on my forehead. I am so thankful for these blessings as I prepare to say goodbye to Nepal, something that is unimaginable to me right now. 

It is raining outside, my favorite time of day.  I am thinking about the time I have spent in Nepal, the incredible people I have met here, and the relationships we have cultivated together.  Each group of girls I have spent time with…has impacted me deeply, profoundly.  I feel a transformation happening through the interviews with girls the past few days.  There is definitely a shift there, and a strength in the sharing of stories and in the healing that comes from that process.

The girls have made me promise to return, and I intend to fulfill my promise.  

Workshop with Survivors

July 30, 2011

Today I led a story-telling/forgiveness workshop for 20 girls who have been rescued from trafficking, most of them from India.  They are between the ages of 13-18.  I asked them to paint about their dreams and then to share their painting(s) with everyone in the circle…the drawings were amazing. Almost every single picture included their families and villages.  In them, the girls were strong, powerful and courageous.  


I am so inspired and uplifted by them.    

First Workshop

July 29, 2011

Today I led a workshop for the staff of Shakti Samuha (another anti-trafficking organization based in Nepal).  Their staff is mostly comprised of survivors rescued from India and countries outside of Nepal.  The workshop was entitled “Alternatives to Violence” and is a compilation of the many workshops I myself attended while in my first year of graduate school.  The results completely exceeded my expectations.  I had been so nervous that I expected the worst.  Instead, everyone participated (even despite the language barrier).  People shared in a way that I don’t think they had ever done in public before, even the guys.  I told them about the Rwanda genocide and the Holocaust (which a large number of people in Nepal apparently don't know about), and linked those two tragedies to roots of violence (fear, misunderstanding, lack of communication, etc).  We also talked about the war in Nepal.  There was a question about how to deal with state-sponsored corruption, which is a huge problem here in Nepal.  I was not sure how to answer that one, so I gave examples of non-violent resistance movements that have worked (Gandhi's "Satyagraha" and Martin Luther King Jr's movement against racism).  At the end of the day, the participants gave positive feedback and asked me to return with more workshops :)  Whew.

Monely and Zumi

July 27, 2011

Monely and Zumi left today.  I got a glimpse of just how painful it will be on that sad day when I have to say goodbye to my sweet children. I have grown so attached to them.  While we all said goodbye to Monely and Zumi there were so many tears…and they were contagious. I noticed that Bishal had his face in his little hands and was silently crying in the corner.  I took him into another room and held him, hoping that somehow a healing energy can come to him through my touch…I don’t believe in coincidences…I didn’t even know I’d be working with children but they have become the most important part of this experience.  I am realizing how difficult boys have it – society expects them to be strong while girls are taken care of.  This poor boy…I don’t know if he’s ever cried in front of others. I don’t know if he’s ever cried over the loss of his family.  I wish society would allow boys to be vulnerable too- so they wouldn’t feel the need to carry so much on their shoulders.  

Empowerment

July 24, 2011

I traveled all the way across the world to discover again that all smiles are the same smiles, that our hearts are the same fragile beating hearts.  Our fear is the same fear, our dreams the same.  I was in a remote one-road village at the top of Nepal’s mountains last week, and had the chance to get to know 22 incredible girls over the course of a few days.  All from poor village families with little chance of escaping from their economic problems.  Yet Maiti Nepal helped them and brought them to this beautiful sanctuary, a prevention home where they are taught income generation and activism skills, and encouraged to return to their villages and teach other girls about empowerment.  I am so inspired by the courage and resilience of the girls and women of the hill region of Nepal.  They live in very difficult conditions- the top of the mountains with nothing but dirt road practically destroyed by monsoon rains.  They walk for hours a day to carry plants, water, and vegetables on their backs. Some walk for days to reach other villages. The basic things we take for granted- roads, drinking water and food- are not a given in these rural areas.  And women are the backbone of families here- they do most of the household work and are strong as steel. 

Yet many of them lack access to safety, many do not have a chance to complete their schooling (mostly due to poverty), and many are at risk for sexual exploitation in a business that is turning into one of the most profitable international businesses worldwide.  Traffickers count on their desperate poverty and lack of skills to lure them away from their families by promising them lucrative jobs.  This is the very subject matter that brought me to Nepal.  I want these girls to receive a tangible education and a real solution to the debilitating hunger. If their families are presented with an alternative way of generating an income they will feel less inclined to send their daughters to earn money; instead they will send their daughters to school.  Girls want to study but are unable to do so due to a lack of basic necessities for their family members.  

Connection

July 21, 2011

Passed out my English-to-Nepali translated surveys to 22 girls at Maiti Nepal.  These empowered girls are learning to speak their voices and will join hundreds of other girl leaders who have returned to their villages to end trafficking.  For many girls here in Nepal it takes one full day (or more) of walking to reach communities.  This mountainous country is very poor, roads are for the most part unpaved, and heavy rain during the monsoon season creates dangerous mudslides.  These are the conditions under which girls attempt to attend school and protect themselves from traffickers. 

It was very difficult to speak with the girls as only two girls knew any English, and even that was the bare minimum.  Just words here and there (like my Nepali).  But somehow the teacher convinced me to take over class and I spent the whole day with them.  At first I did not know what to do – they seemed to be just as nervous as I was.  But within minutes I feel into my comfort zone of teaching.  I wrote down some words in English and the girls started repeating the words after me.  I taught them “Beautiful Flower” by India Arie, which is a song about strong girls.  By the end of the day we were dancing, singing, laughing, making origami, and taking photos.  The girls recited Nepali poetry they wrote about ending violence against women.  I feel so humbled and so honored to have shared that space with them.

 

When it came time to say goodbye the girls asked me to stay longer and gave me a beautiful woven bracelet they made.  We had become so close that I wanted to stay with them for much longer, but I was on that mountain by myself and wasn’t sure how to get back to Kathmandu (during the monsoon season buses cannot drive on muddy mountain roads).  I finally decided to accept a ride to Kathmandu in a four-wheel jeep that was leaving the next day.  Little did I know I’d be spending the next eight hours of my life ferociously bumping up and down while the jeep picked up, one by one, ten local villagers *.  Over the course of this car ride I lost count of how many times I banged my head against the side of the jeep from the stomach-churning bumps, and how many times we stopped the car to dig out boulders and mud from the road (with shovels and pickaxes, no less).  And yes, I do have photos.  

*With no cars on that mountain, villagers often walk days to reach Kathmandu.  The jeep driver picked up as many people as we could possibly fit in the car (one on each of our laps), then began turning them away, which was heartbreaking.  

Maiti Nepal Prevention Home

July 20, 2011

Maiti Nepal, Prevention Home

Beautiful life-affirming day.  Visited the Maiti Nepal Prevention Home in Chisapani. 

The Prevention Home is a place where vulnerable girls stay for 6 months and learn vocational skills (such as tailoring, mushroom-farming, candle-making and farming) and then go back to their own villages and teach those skills to other girls.  They also learn how to be activists and educate other village girls on trafficking.  Girls are between 14-22, the age range when girls in rural areas are vulnerable and parents take them out of school to help with domestic work.  After 6 months, girls will go back to their villages, gather others and teach them what they know.  The districts with the most reported trafficking incidents in Nepal are: Sindupalchowk, Nuwakot, and Rasuwa, so I am right in the heart of the problem.  There are 17 groups in Nepal that have benefited from the Prevention Home.  Three of them are in this area and they are the ones we visited on our village trek today. 

At the home I informally met the girls, saw where they live, learn and eat.  I spoke with Mahindra and Ram for some time about their programs, and I showed them my research survey (which has been translated into Nepali).  They were happy with it.  

After Dal Bhat for lunch, the three of us set out for a long walk through the enchanted and mist-covered hills of Sindupalchowk and Nuwakot as we visited rural villages.  One by one we saw the girls who have completed Maiti Nepal’s program and now work in their own tailoring shops.  Along the way I was enchanted by jaw dropping mountains, smiling villagers, rows and rows of cornfields, beautifully laid-out rice fields, romantic mist, and the stunning beauty that is Nepal.  I will never forget this place.  

I am realizing that the deep-core contentment I have been feeling recently is called happiness. I am happy. And at peace.  Here, in this tiny room with big beautiful windows overlooking the misty mountains of Nuwakot.  I am alone, but I am at peace with that.  This morning I got through the entire mantra given to me by Saha Deo Guru. All 108 times. 

Research trip to Chisapani!

July 19, 2011

Research trip to Chisapani!

Today I spent seven hours on the back of a motorcycle with a huge backpack strapped to my back.  The objective was to reach the remote village of Chisapani, which should only have taken a couple of hours.  But this is monsoon season, so unpaved mountain roads basically turn into mud baths with very large rocks in the middle of them, making passage very difficult.  This is how the three of us (Menuka, Dipendra and Pooroo) found ourselves with our bikes stuck in the slippery mud while the rain poured down.  Thank goodness for everyone’s awesome sense of humor –there was much hysterical laughter while repeatedly picking up the fallen bikes out of the mud and attempting to push them up the muddy and interminable hill. 

The highlight of the day for me was passing colorful villages with the most talkative goats I have ever seen in my life.  They ranged from big hairy aggressive guys to little babies that cry for their mothers the same way human babies do.  Another special memory was passing monks at the top of the hills, meditating and enjoying the gorgeous scenery of Nepal.  This place is beautiful beyond words. 

Seven hours later, after dropping me off at the top of the mountain, Menuka and our friends left to head back to Kathmandu, despite my objections to them leaving so late.  I only found out later that they got caught in the mudslides and torrential rain that poured down that evening, falling from their bikes many times and losing many of their belongings.  I am so thankful that they are ok. They are angels for coming with me to ensure that I arrive in Chisapani safely, despite the obvious danger.  It’s the Nepali way.  

TV!

July 17, 2011

What an incredible week.  With the help of Santosh and Khem we bought school shoes for 11 Raksha Nepal children who had been turned away from their government school due to a lack of money.  Then Raksha Nepal interviewed 15 girls and women who were arrested by a police raid and were subsequently harassed, physically abused and verbally assaulted by said police officers.

Later in the week, I somehow became the host of my friend Prava’s TV show (Life is Beautiful) featuring Raksha Nepal!  We filmed the show to raise awareness about our wonderful organization and to hopefully raise some funds for our drastically needed (and under-funded) programs.  Here is the link to that segment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A09mzdLJG4

Generosity

July 15, 2011

Just so happy bumping along in an old rickety bus down the streets of Kathmandu while listening to Nepali folk songs on the radio.  The smog, car congestion and honking are things I barely notice anymore.  I love the vegetable stands, mangoes, bananas, leeches, jackfruit, cows and bamboo trees.  Last night I was telling this to my little Nepali family (Santosh, Khem and Prava), and Khem said “Nepal gets into your blood.” And it is true!  I feel so safe and loved here.  Of course there are major problems – rampant corruption, an astonishing absence of Rule of Law, and large amounts of trash along most of Kathmandu’s rivers – are some, but I love it here despite these problems.  I love Nepal because of the people of Nepal.  Despite the hardship of life and absence of so many things that people in other countries take for granted, Nepali people lift their hands to help others, and practice daily a kind of generosity that is rare in this world. 

Amma

July 10, 2011

I received a blessing from Amma today, at her ashram.  It came in the form of a diamond-shaped stone and fell from her mouth into my hands.  If I hadn’t seen it myself I would not have believed it.  The stone carries so much energy.  I have been told that devotees wait months or years to receive this blessing from Amma, which is considered a direct blessing from Sai Baba. 

Plans are underway for a field research trip to Chisapani, a remote village in the mountains.  On this trip I plan to conduct a large chunk of my research on prevention strategies.  I also plan to lead workshops for girls who have been rescued from trafficking.  I wish with all of my heart that I had more time in Nepal…there is a tremendous sense of joy and completion with this work.  I’ve talked a bit with my ladies at the Raksha School for Women about the research I am conducting here.  Their feedback has been incredible; they shared with me that they are grateful for my dedication to them and to stopping violence against women in their country.  Considering the fact that almost every single one of them is a survivor of violence, this means a tremendous amount to me.  We have so much fun together - I’ve taught them empowering songs and words, talked with them about domestic violence, and encouraged them to form women’s groups so that they have a support system when they need each other.  

Visitors :)

July 4, 2011

Monely and Zumi are in Nepal!  They came to visit!   Tonight we had a huge Raksha Nepal rooftop party for Monely’s 4th of July birthday.  The Raksha girls made tons of tasty food and the children were incredible- latching on to my friends immediately.  We didn’t even take water breaks, just danced for hours with our hearts full of gratitude and ear-to-ear smiles while we wiped the sweat from our faces and thanked the universe for bringing us together. 

Police Corruption

July 2, 2011

Seventeen girls sought help from Raksha Nepal yesterday. Menuka sat with them for hours, hearing their stories and offering support.  Among them is a pregnant 23 year-old with a five year-old son.  Her husband left her for someone else and she never registered her marriage, which leaves her without a way to hold him accountable.  She is alone, uneducated, and does not have skills. She and her son will both stay at the Raksha shelter tonight while we figure out what to do.

Today, 100 girls were arrested in police raids at various establishments.  35 of those girls have been rescued by Menuka and will stay at Raksha tonight. I have spoken with some of them (through translators) to better understand what happened. The stories of the girls mostly go like this:

Civil war.  She was eleven, twelve or thirteen when the Maoists came to her village and tried to forcefully recruit her into their insurgency. She wanted to study in school, not fight in a war, so she escaped by leaving her village and traveling to Kathmandu.  She found herself jobless, uneducated, skill-less and vulnerable.  Someone (usually an acquaintance) came with a job offer (server, rug weaver, housecleaner) but after some time the girl is forced into sex work in restaurant bars, cabin restaurants or massage parlors and presented with threats when she tries to leave.  She is no longer able to leave when her children are born. How can she feed them if she cannot find a job?

I asked why girls and women are arrested, but not the “restaurant” owners.  As it turns out, the owners bribe the police officers to remain quiet.  As I continue to conduct research and interview girls, it becomes clear to me that not only are police officers accepting bribe money from owners who exploit girls, but they are actually complicit in the exploitation by frequently visiting these establishments as customers.  Raksha Nepal has requested meetings with the police on several occasions; however, they continue to ignore our attempts to meet with them. 

The more I speak with local people the more I learn that the entire government system here is filled with corruption, bribery and political misuse of power.  Last year a high-level Nepali government official visiting the United States was asked about the shockingly high number of trafficked Nepali girls imprisoned in Indian brothels.  The official responded by saying, “we have more pressing matters in Nepal!”  With this type of attitude from government officials, it is no wonder countless girls are unaccounted for.

In Nepal, as in many other places around the world, there is a link between poverty, lack of education, discrimination against girls, and sexual exploitation.  In addition, the ten-year civil war in Nepal displaced a large number of children and women, making them extremely vulnerable to sexual exploitation and trafficking.  

Dance, dance, dance

June 20, 2011

One of my favorite things is dancing with the children of Raksha Nepal.  Yesterday we celebrated Rupa’s 12^th birthday with a dance party on the roof J  We were so busy twirling and mimicking various animals that it took us a while to notice the neighbors from surrounding rooftops who were happily watching us.  At one point I turned to see little Biraj and his brothers break-dancing (with some surprisingly excellent moves) while Diksha, the 4 year-old clown of the bunch, elicited laughter from everyone by imitating the other kids.  The older girls cooked amazing food for us: Dal Bhat, potato cauliflower curry, and bean curd.  Incredibly, they fed 22 children in one sitting (which, I quickly learned, is a daily occurrence).  Menuka asked me to put a tika on Rupa’s forehead in honor of her birthday. I put the red blessing on her third eye and whispered my prayer into her ears, aware of the motherly role I have found myself taking on for some of these kids.  These children are here because their parents are either dead or are unable to care for them.  So, they are immensely grateful for one another. They have taught me so much about love and laughter.  They have taught me how to open my heart. 

Half of the children at Raksha Nepal are not attending school due to a lack of funding.  Vocational training courses for rescued girls have been suspended for the same reason.  Menuka, Santosh, Khem and I met the other day to collaborate on how we can get the kids in school, and how to fund additional vocational training courses that have already changed the lives of 1500 girls and women. 

We received great news today - due to the generosity of several supporters- including Santosh, Khem, the Korean Embassy, and the principal of a nearby school, we have raised enough money to cover entrance fees for all children!  The challenge still remains on how to fund the required uniforms, shoes, belts, ties, and monthly school fees, but this is a good start.  To celebrate the great news, we danced to beautiful Nepali music, laughed until our bellies ached, did yoga on the slippery ground of the roof, played in the rain, and, towards the end of the night, rescued a kitten that had somehow become lodged in the bottom of several cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other.  The little children still attach themselves to me and I try to dote on them to make up for the parental love they are missing.  The truth is…we are mutually attached to each other.

It is raining right now outside my room.  The rain in Kathmandu is unpredictable and very romantic. It looks like a drapery of water is falling from tree branches.